Going full time in music at the start of the Full Circle Tour in 2013 was one of the most scariest things I’ve done, but also one of the most rewarding.
I was afraid but alive.
At first I was intimidated by the uncertainty. Many potentially great opportunities came my way, but didn’t materialise in the way I had hoped. In my grand plan, the Full Circle album would be released in 2014, but I was so critical of my work and found it difficult to pull everything together in a way I felt would reflect my growth and I was afraid of not “improving” on my previous album ‘Unbroken.’
Tired from the planning of the tour, I had hoped to secure a strong management team to alleviate the challenge of self releasing and promoting again, but that wasn’t to be. After many restless nights and the turn of 2014 I made a decision to stop worrying. I began to learn how to enjoy the discovery of the unknown and to cherish the moments. Subsequently, much of my songwriting at the time reflected this.
In July 2014 the life changing event of pregnancy stopped me in my tracks. For years, (and I mean years) Aaron had been asking me to write a song about our unborn child. I always liked the idea, but the inspiration never came. However, this time was different and I started to write ‘The Gift.’
“Yesterday’s the past, tomorrow’s the future, but today is a gift. That’s why it’s called the present.” (Bill Keane)
In this moment I was being gifted with a child. The course of my future had been changed in one night! I later got in touch with my very talented friend Lauren Ray to help me complete the writing of the song, which speaks about the miracle of the present and this new life I am preparing to enjoy.
Within the music industry, people warned me about getting pregnant and the detrimental effect it could have on my career. This made me anxious and reluctant at times to embrace motherhood, despite my desire for a family. Now that I am well into my pregnancy, that anxiety no longer remains. Instead I am honoured to have this opportunity and am expectant of the joys being a parent will bring despite the challenges. At every scan I have cried in sheer awe and I grow even more thankful for my own mother as the realisation of what she has done for my siblings and I becomes more evident through my own experience.
It is more common for people to warn you about the negative but I love this article by Jenny Studenroth Gerson entitled ‘They Should Have Warned Me’ because it brings a fresh perspective to these warnings in such a beautiful way . A must read, especially if you’ve ever felt or are feeling the way I did.
Knowing that my regular activity would be having a beautiful interruption in the near future, I begun to compile my unreleased material and decided that the project title would actually be ‘The Gift.’
I have now put together 6 songs for an EP that explores the concept of time and moments in a world that moves so fast that we rarely stand in the present. There are moments that bring us face to face with ourselves and others that are willing us to take a look in the mirror. To stop and consider our course or just to simply enjoy, be thankful and content. Creatively, it is a reflection of where I am in this moment and is a statement of my personal journey to self acceptance.
The Gift will be released on my due date, the 28th April 2015! Right at the heart of what will be one of the greatest moments of my life.
From next week onwards, I will start sharing the journey of completing the recording and preparations so you can track my progress. This is going to be fun and I’m excited to see how it all unfolds!